Nature and dogs have been tremendous agents of healing in my life. I have come to understand them as sources and teachers of personal growth & positive change. Here is a bit of my story.
In the spring of 2017, I found myself on the psyc ward at Faulkner Hospital, admitted for suicidal ideation. “I have no solution for myself,” I remember telling the doc in the ER. I saw myself as a divorced Ivy League grad who couldn’t make something of herself, and a mother whose depressive tendencies had impacted the wellbeing of her children. Heavy & hopeless, I felt like a failure in every way.
A week out of the hospital, I needed a way to get out of my apartment. My solution was finding a job on Craiglist as a dog walker. “Why not?” I remember thinking to myself. “I’ve always liked dogs.” In May of that year, I began carting seven dogs to Edmonds Park in Newton on a daily basis. I would guide them along the forest trails. With their leashes dragging, we made our way around loops of the park that became familiar over time.
About a month into the job, a friend of mine called while I was working to check in. “How have you been feeling since your discharge?” he asked. I remember pausing, disoriented by his question because it provoked a sudden awareness in me. “I think I’m… happy?” I remember saying with a bit of hesitation, in between laughter & tears. What was this foreign sense of contentment that had come over me? This marked a major turning point in my life that truly changed everything.
Since that time, I have continued to walk dogs as a part time job, to spend a lot of time in nature, and to ponder in depth my relationships with both. What was it about them that took me from wanting to end my life to finding peace in it?
Being Received As I Was
First and foremost, it was about acceptance and allowance. Or being received as I was. It is what I have come to call being the object of presence – being held in a way that lends support, but doesn’t try to fix or change.
This is what Edmonds Park became for me. I was a mess – depressed, anxious & tearful. Yet the park welcomed me as I was, day after day. The paths of the park became the firm ground beneath my feet I needed. The trees became my companions. Even the dogs were happy to see me! It wasn’t because I had a smile on my face or did anything special. All I had to do was show up.
There was something miraculously restorative about being received as I was, especially when I felt so low about myself & my life. It was in this bittersweet place where I finally started to trust myself and my life. Exactly as I was and exactly as it was. This radical acceptance became a foundation for positive change.
Just Notice – Around & Within
The healing energy I experienced during this pivotal time was also about learning the practice of noticing. Yes, noticing! Or what I have come to call being the subject of presence – bringing a spirit of curiosity (vs. judgment) to all that arises in the moment at hand.
The dogs introduced me to this way of being. They were always sniffing and exploring, and the same park never got old for them! Their relationship with their surroundings rubbed off on me, and I found myself doing the same. As I gazed up at the treetops and inhaled the fresh air, my attention turned from my fears about the future & my regrets about the past to the very place my life was actually happening – the here and now. My entire being started to open up to the beauty of the ordinary I had long overlooked.
Even more, the incredible gift of learning to notice was to feel this tender yet strong way of being turn inward. As nature and dogs were present to me, I began to be present to myself. I held myself with compassion and reverence, and I actually started to like myself & the life I was leading. I felt small, but worthy & peaceful in my smallness. And that was huge.
Becoming True to Myself
The more I began to notice in nature, the more she began to reveal her wisdom to me. She had a way of reflecting my essence back to me. In the open sky, I saw the landscape of my soul. And in the trees, I felt the invitation to ground myself and rise. I began to feel safe, seen and like I belonged. Not because I fit in, but because I was being true to myself. Nature offers the incredible gift of reminding me of who I am. All I need to do is show up and notice! The inherent generosity of this still brings me to tears to this day.
Finding Empowerment Within
Nature IS embodied wisdom. She takes on physical form according to her internal knowing. Nature embraces the change of the seasons, over and over again. This pattern is in the symbol of the spiral, which is evident throughout nature and even in our DNA! It is the very pattern embedded in the soul, and it is the very definition of what it means to heal and grow. Nature shows me what it means to listen to my inner voice, to honor my own wisdom, and to proceed into my life from the inside out.
Finding Creative Inspiration
To create is to step into the unknown on the foundation of my inner power – what I already know, have been given, or have learned. Nature is creation herself, and she does this “naturally.” Nature shows me that I discover myself through leaning courageously into my life, step by step, from the inside out. She shows me that to create IS to heal and grow. As a creative being, my greatest purpose is to turn my life into a work of art – an outer expression of the path of my soul.
Discovering Art as a Means of Growth
My art helps me both process and express what I am learning on my journey. I love using the very sources of wisdom and beauty I experience in nature as integral pieces of an image I create. And it all starts with noticing! I find myself drawn to various treasures in nature – from ferns to tree bark to sea shells. I listen for their messages to me, and then create my own. Just as I create my life step by step, I create my art piece by piece. And it ALL serves to help me listen to my soul, and then to express her!
From My Story to My Offering
As I look back over the years since walking the dogs in Edmonds Park, I am amazed at how what began as a way to get out of my apartment turned into an odyssey of healing & discovery. Wow! I’m so grateful for the unexpected gift of nature and dogs! Now I find myself wanting to offer the abundance of nature to others through my art, my words, and my very being. May they…
- Allow you to feel received just as you are.
- Invite you to notice with curiosity and wonder, around you and within.
- Develop a deep reverence for your own lived experience.
- Remind you of who you are, of who you always have been, and who you want to become.
- Make you feel safe, seen and like you belong.
- Inspire you to create your own life as means of healing and growth.
- Encourage you listen for the invitations of your soul.
